21

I’ve always thought that 21 was so far away but it kinda snuck up on me.

Twenty one.

21 always seemed like such an adult age, the age where you can officially do whatever you please with the world ahead of you. That being said, I never really had a clear image in my head about where I’d be at this point, least of all who I’d be.

I guess I assumed I’d be doing some sort of degree but I never realised I’d actually go into engineering. I never even dreamed that I would go to some fantasy specialist school that set me up with amazing friends and was the whole reason I met my soul mate. I don’t think I ever truly believed in soul mates for that matter. Bristol never really existed in my version of the map of the world and I certainly never thought I would be moved out so soon.

I set goals of getting my black belt before I was 18, an eternity away. Of course I would have a vast library at this point, reading maybe a hundred books a year. My family would always be nearby and I would shoot for the stars like I always have. I’d be driving, travelling, learning about as much as possible, maybe another language or two added to my list.

I’m 21 and I’ve been:

  • anxious to the point of sickness and no sleep
  • selling clothes online
  • demotivated and given up on every semester so far
  • making videos regularly and then not
  • working every summer away
  • baking cakes and cookies and brownies
  • underweight for 4 years and counting
  • watching hundreds of hours of anime because I can
  • terrified at the thought of my own mortality
  • learning to look after myself
  • so in love

There’s not a thing I could have predicted about turning 21 even if I had tried.

And that’s okay.

I’m learning to keep myself open to growth and new possibilities, friendships, interests, and good things coming my way. I would not say it has been easy so far, and it’s not really meant to be. I am terrified and excited at the thought of what is yet to come but I know that it will be okay.

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